Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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