My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
