It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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