he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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