his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
