It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
