forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
