Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
