I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
