Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
