girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
