She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
