please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
