I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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