Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
