Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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