We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
