help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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