We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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