my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
