i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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