Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
