The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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