mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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