Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
