Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
