thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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