so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
