i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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