I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
