Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
