Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
