i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need moral support for this bender
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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