dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
