i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
