she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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