No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
