you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
