if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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