I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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