If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
