I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
