I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
