Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
