Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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