Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
