I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
