After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
