I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
