man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
