your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
