maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
